F1 - Virgin On Ridiculous

The Virgin Racing team has now admitted that its fuel tank is not large enough to house the amount of fuel required for a full Grand Prix distance.

Rather strange that the other teams using the same engine didn't have any problems.

Annoyances XVIII - Blogs that don't update very often

Especially when they used to update more frequently.

Annoyances XVII - Wikipedia zealots

Each article about an F1 race on Wikipedia used to have a short notes section at the end, predominantly containing milestones. I found these hugely interesting, and would skip from race to race just reading these rather than the rest of the article.

Typical examples would be:

*Last Formula One race for Nicola Larini.
*First podium: Nick Heidfeld
*This race featured the highest number of finishers of the 1992 season (18 cars).
*This was the last grand prix to be held in November until the 2008 Brazilian Grand Prix.
*Alex Yoong did not qualify for this race due to the 107% rule. This would be the last time in Formula One that a driver has failed to qualify for a race due to this rule.
*Lap leaders: Gerhard Berger 54 (1-23, 41-71), Nigel Mansell 16 (24-39), Pierluigi Martini 1 (40)

etc, etc, etc.

And now they are slowly being removed, and lost in a sea of text.

Cocks.

Annoyances XVI - Capri Sun

At work, we used to sell little cartons of juice. They were cheap, nice and simple. The world was a happy place.

Then we changed to selling Capri Sun. And all hell broke loose.

Firstly, a carton, being a simple cuboid, was super easy to stand upright. These bloody Capri Sun pouches fall over all the time. And when we sell some, and need to move them forwards, no longer can we just push them. Oh no, we have to move each one individually.

Then, sometimes the opening at the top isn't lined up properly, so people can't actually drink it. Or the bloody thing falls over while open.

And they cost 50% more for the same quantity of juice.

But worst of all, is the eyes. Having failed to stand a pouch upright for the third time, the last thing I want to see is an apple with eyes staring back at me. It makes me want to stab it. And everyone else in the room. Repeatedly.

How 2 - Exit a relationship

Murder her. Chop her up into tiny pieces. Scatter the pieces around the country. Find a single girl. Enter a relationship with her.

If she asks about your ex, just say you had a messy separation.


(Yes, I did post this purely because of the joke)

Child labour

The price is right, but they seriously need to work on the quality.

If you can't trust a 50p t-shirt from El Salvador to be well-made, what can you trust?

If needs be, i'll pay the extra and get my t-shirts from Honduras - so get your act together, you El Salvadorans.

F1: Wind tunnels

Who needs them, eh?

These guys do.

Or should that be 'Wing Tunnels'? Lolz!

Annoyances XV - Windows update restarts

These updates aren't rushed out (most of the time), but left until a set day each month. Also, I can choose not to download them at all, and you don't really moan that much.

But when I do, you'll nag me at least every 4 hours, and happily restart my computer without needing any confirmation from me. Even if the computer is doing something. Something that isn't saved.

I'd rather you didn't just restart without asking me, thanks all the same.

It's the final countdown

do do do doooooo

Morecambe: How to increase tourism

Forget the Eric Morecambe bus, this is what they need to do.

Mick Gradwell is calling for clearer placards indicating the "lethal" nature of Morecambe's sands.

"I want a great big dirty black sign warning people off the sands," he said.

F1: Problem Solving

Campos said: "Sometimes we pay the [instalment of] 7m Euros to Dallara and sometimes we don't have the money. We are trying to solve the problem."

Considering they are making the cars for you, it might be an idea to solve that relatively quickly.

F1: New season predictor

This is what I expect the relative performance levels to be next season.

Now, half of the cars haven't even launched yet, never mind done any testing, so this is mostly guesswork. But it'll be interesting to see how (in)accurate I am.

I expect the grid to be split into three distinct groups, the 'title contenders' pack, the 'midfield' pack and the 'hopeless new teams' pack.

Four teams have aimed at the title, and have the resources and drivers to have a decent chance of achieving this. The teams in the middle of the pack are aiming for consistent points finishes. And how the new teams expect to be able to compete with what was such a close field last year (who have had a year of extra development, more money and experience) is beyond me. I expect we'll see them a long way off the pace of the established teams.

Anyway, on to the prediction:

McLaren
Red Bull
Mercedes
Ferrari
--------
Williams
Renault
Force India
Sauber
Toro Rosso
--------
Lotus
Virgin
US F1
Campos Meta

I'll probably do a short team-by-team summary before the season starts.

As they might not be around by then, i'll make the prediction now that Campos will go bankrupt and/or be sold before the end of the season. If they even start the season.

Therefore, I shall be supporting Campos as they are clearly the underdogs.

Go Campos! Meta 4 Eva! You can't spell 'Meta' without 'Team'! I'm supporting the Campos camp! Put your Campos Caps om! I love emo cat spam!

And i'm done.

F1: 'Renault: Petrov hired because of talent'

I'm suuuuuure.

That €15 million you'll be getting in return clearly had no impact on the decision.

Annoyances XIV - '2012'

The Olympics, not the year.

I would love nothing more than to see than 'team GB' to fail to achieve a single medal.

It would keep me amused for MONTHS.

F1: Fail to prepare...

The Campos Meta F1 team has admitted that it may not take part in any pre-season testing

Always a good strategy.